Pulling Away

We are in the midst of St. Benedict's disciplinary code.  Today, the Rule shows the process that is sometimes necessary in order to correct faults.  St. Benedict is not a strict disciplinarian or someone who is "power hungry" wanting to exert his authority over the slightest fault.  The Rule is actually quite moderate in it's correction of faults and it's concern for proper order.

There are times when I seem to be intent on testing limits; on seeing just how far I can push against the boundaries before I am seriously separated from the group and those who care about me and my well-being.  At these times when I seem to be intent on isolating myself, it is often because I am confused or hurt or have slowly slipped away from the norm inch by inch.  It's usually nothing terribly dramatic but more like a gradual shifting of focus until I am totally lost.  I look around and wonder how I ever got this far away. 

I remember an vivid experience of this from childhood.  My parents had given me permission to take my younger brother on a walk through our neighborhood but had set very specific boundaries about how far we could go.  When we got to the farthest limit of our authorized walk my brother saw something across the street that he wanted to explore.  It was beyond where we were supposed to walk but not terribly far from our path so we crossed the street and went to explore.  Once across, we kept venturing from our assigned route little by little but I could still see where we were supposed to be.  Some barking dogs came out and scared my brother who ran further away from the path.  By the time I caught up with him, we were in a totally different neighborhood and I had no idea how to get back on course to get home.  We did make it home eventually but it was a long time before I was willing to take any walks with my brother.

There are ways to avoid getting separated along the way.  Here are some things that I can do to avoid separation:

• Talk with a trusted spiritual director or mentor when I first recognize that I may be straying;
• Journal regularly to keep track of where my thoughts might be leading me;
• Spend more time just being with others who are positive.  I often find that if I can be around positive people for a while when I might not be that positive my thinking might lighten.
• Pray.  Asking God for help is always a good plan.

What am I doing today to insure that I stay along the right path?

Sr. Catherine, OSB