Wisdom of the Young and the Elders

Absolutely nowhere shall age automatically determine rank. Remember that Samuel and Daniel were still boys when they judged their elders (1Sam3; Dan 13.44-62). RB80.63.5-6

One of the blessings of my life is the opportunity that I have had to live with people of various ages most of my life. Growing up, grandparents, great-grandparents, and older relatives and family friends were always included as part of our home structure. Our home was multigenerational by design. Although I did not fully appreciate it at the time, this aspect of my early years has had a significant impact on most of my life and on building my character. I am grateful for the experience.

In my 25+ years as a member of this monastic community, I have also been fortunate to have developed many relationships across our various age groups. I treasure the many lessons that I have learned from our elders--lessons of faith, lessons of fidelity, lessons of courage, strength and grace. I am indeed very fortunate in this way.

Here are some of the bits of wisdom that I have learned along the way:

• Life does not always have to move at a fast speed. There is a gentleness acquired in doing things slowly and thoughtfully.


• Plan ahead for life--learn a hobby, develop some leisure time activities, keep acquiring new skills. It is important to have skills in place for a happy and healthy future.


• Take time to listen. There is life wisdom to be learned in hearing stories from the past.


• Remain faithful to values. There are many things that can clutter my life, I need to remember the essentials.


• Be patient and loving--with others and with myself. Sometimes the hardest lesson is to remember to be patient with myself and not take myself so seriously.

What life lessons am I imparting on others today?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

The Good of the Whole

In the monastery no one is to follow his own heart's desire, nor shall anyone presume to contend with his abbot defiantly, or outside the monastery. RB80.3.8-9

I am a very creative person and generally have tons of ideas (not all necessarily well thought out). For the most part I am willing to share my ideas and opinions with whomever will listen.

There is a danger, though of becoming too attached to my plans, ideas and proposals. Sometimes my plans start to get confused with my identity. When I become so closely identified with my ideas and plans that a question about a concept starts sounding like a personal attack, I need to step back and assess my connection with my project.

Is it the idea that is being questioned or is it my identity? Can I offer my thoughts to the group then release them for all to evaluate?

When I start being too identified with my role, my task or my ideas, it is a good time to evaluate my motivations.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Seeking Advice of All

The reason why we have said all should be called for counsel is that the Lord often reveals what is better to the younger. RB80.3.3

It seems counter-intuitive to seek the advice of the young among us especially in very important matters. Yet, that is exactly what Benedict is suggesting. Benedict recommends seeking input for all...but why?

The explicit answer Benedict provides is that the Lord often reveals what is better to the younger. Here we are reminded of the stories of Samuel, Daniel, David and Solomon. All of whom were known to be quite young and not a very likely choice for wisdom when God chose them to lead the Israelite community in different ways.

There is also a more practical reason for consulting the young. While our elders provide us with the wisdom of experience, the young can often ask the tough, incisive questions which will take us into the future. The young are often unafraid of change and trying things a new way to make carry the vision and mission of the group into the future. They often have the energy we need to implement changes.

May we never be afraid of listening to the wisdom of the young.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Building Strong Relationships

Let him strive to be loved rather than feared. (RB80.64.15)

Many have heard the old saying, "You can draw more flies with honey than with vinegar." This short sentence from the Rule on the election of leadership seems to take a similar view.

It is much easier for me to follow the advice of someone that I consider to be on my side, looking out for my interest rather than a tyrant or dictator. The trust that has been developed in the past serves as a strong backdrop for current relationships.

I have been fortunate to have leaders that I treasure as dear friends and that I truly respect. This relationship makes it much easier to accept correction from them--because I sense that they love me and care about me also.

When I find myself in leadership as either a teacher, a team leader, or a supervisor I strive to build a strong relationship with my colleagues first, then work from their. I try to remember what a treasure their trust is to me and to be worthy of that honor.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Reverse Psychology

I am convinced that my parents went through immense personality changes from the time I was growing up to the time my sister, the youngest was born (about 15 years).

A few years ago, I was visiting my family and my mom asked my sister if she thought she could do the dishes. The dishes were overflowing onto every available inch of counter space. My sister, quite honestly, answered "No." This response left my mother speechless and me wondering what had happened to my mom. I could not imagine saying that when I was younger. Actually, I did not remember there being a question mark at the end of the statement before.

I stepped in and told my sister that if the dishes were washed we could go to a movie. (Admittedly, not the best incentive, but it worked.) The dishes were finished shortly after our talk.

Benedict uses calling all to counsel (hearing from all) as a way to get everyone to feel ownership for a groups decisions. We all like to feel that we had some choice in the matter even if it might be a small one. Through listening to all and letting them have an ownership in the final outcome, we call all feel that we are part of shaping our future.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Family Meetings

As often as anything important is to be done in the monastery, the abbot shall call the whole community together and himself explain what the business is; and after hearing the advice of the brothers, let him ponder it and follow what he judges the wiser course,...

Benedict advices that whenever there is important business to be addressed all are to be called together to discuss the matter. Everyone, from the oldest to the youngest, is to be included. This directive makes sense to me because since the decision will probably affect my future in some way, I want to be included. I like to know what is happening around me.

Culture and society might question, however, why include the older and the younger; why include everyone. The older might seem a little unwieldy to deal with. For example, they might need more information or they might not be as anxious as the younger to jump at change. The younger might seem to lack the maturity or experience necessary to provide meaningful insight. They might, however, bring in a new perspective or ask incisive questions. Including everyone could potentially prolong the process since the more views expressed the longer the discussion will last.

Central to this advice is the fact that the more the members are involved in planning the future, the more ownership and commitment that is likely to be expressed. If I feel like I helped design my own future, I will be more invested and engaged in the success of the project. Benedict's wisdom is in finding a way in which all can be engaged in decision making for the group.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Spiritual Companioning

Many people are not fortunate to have "truth tellers" in their lives. I am truly fortunate in that I have at least three, possibly as many as five, "truth tellers" in my life.


These are women who know me very well and who care about me and my well being. They know me better than even my own family knows me in some instances. They are persons who have seen me at my best and at my worst and are still okay with me. They will sometimes tell me what I would rather not hear but need to know. They are also the ones that I go to when I want the real truth about things because I know that they will be honest with me. They know that I can yell and cry and be very angry at times but will eventually listen and at least consider the validity of what is said.


St. Benedict advocates this type of relationship in the 5th Step of Humility when he asks his followers to lay their thoughts open before a spiritual elder. This type of relationship is rare in life and highly to be treasured.

Who are the "truth tellers" in your life?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

On Truth and Deceit

In this section from the Tools of Good Works (RB 4), there seems to be some preoccupation with truth and deceit. We are admonished not to give a false peace, to speak the truth from the heart and not to perjure. All of this advice seems pretty common sense at first, after all, weren't we all taught not to lie and to try to be honest?

On closer inspection the emphasis is not so much on the truth and the deceit as on the heart (the person) that would consider this behavior acceptable. Benedict is calling us to be our best selves, to surround ourselves with models of good behavior and to follow the lead. He seems to emphasize that no matter who I was or what I did yesterday today is a new day and it can be different...radically different if I but remember to be true to my best self.

How are we being called to be our best selves today?

Sr. Catherine

Why Don't We Send a Letter

Once I was a member of a Board of Advisors for a university. At one of our meetings we were in a dilemma. One of our biggest donors had submitted an outlandish proposal for use of a $500,000 donation he was going to make to the university. After debating for three hours, one meek soul suggested we write a letter to the donor saying we had his proposal under advisement. Time passed and after a few visits with the donor, he agreed to let the university decide how best to use the money.

This experience illustrates to me the wisdom of Benedict when he tells the Abbot to call the community together for counsel before making important decisions. It is often that “the Lord reveals what is better to the younger,” or perhaps to the quietest among us.

Sr. Veronica, OSB

The Splinter and Plank Scandal

The splinter and plank scandal has been around since the beginning of human history. Jesus creates a picture story to show us how outrageous it is. Picture yourself with a 6 foot cedar post sticking out of your eye trying to get close enough to a person to remove a tiny speck in his eye. Every time you move, you beat the person in front of you with your post. That’s why Jesus tells us not to play God, but to admit our faults and stop judging others. If we do the judging of others, all of us come out beat up and our sins remain.

So Benedict tells us and the abbot: If you wish to build a peaceful community, stop judging one another, let God do the judging.

Sr. Veronica, OSB

A Wise Companion

I am reminded of the saying: "Misery loves company." when I read Chapter 27 of the Rule.

Once a person's behavior has caused separation from the community, it is very easy to either fall into deep dispair about the situation or to become even more defiant and try to find allies within the community...causing greater division. What Benedict suggests is for the superior to allow one person to encourage the wayward back into the community. Care must be taken that this is not going to be a misery party. Therefore, the companion must have an adequate amount of maturity not to become part of the problem.

This companion or senpectae is to act as a truth teller to the wayward. We all need people in our lives that care about us enough and that know us well enough to be able to challenge us into growth. I am fortunate to have many friends that have done that for me in my life. The truth tellers in our lives are our truest friends.

May I always be willing to hear and open to the truth presented to me by those wiser than me.

Sr. Catherine

Life Guides

The third step of humility is that a man submits to his superior in all obedience for the love of God…(RB 7.34)

“May I become your disciple?” the seeker asked.

“You are only a disciple because your eyes are closed. The day you open them, you will see that there is nothing you can learn from me,” the holy man answered.

“Then what is a master for”? the seeker asked.

“The purpose of a master,” the holy one said, “is to bring you to the point where you know the uselessness of having one.”

I know I have been taking directions all my life. God has placed guides in my life to give me intellectual, social, emotional, physical and spiritual direction. Admitting that I need direction and accepting it has all been part of growing up. I don’t believe I will ever grow up enough to see the uselessness of these guides. Through them, God has given me a confidence in myself, the power to control myself and the insight to guide others.

Sr. Veronica, OSB

Receiving Counsel

“As often as anything important is to be done in the monastery, the abbot shall call the whole community together and himself explain what the business is; and after hearing the advice of the brothers, let him ponder it and follow what he judges the wiser course, The reason why we have said all should be called for counsel is that the Lord often reveals what is better to the younger. (RB 3.1-3)

A somewhat longer quote for today’s reflection to give a flavor of what Benedict had in mind regarding the decision-making process of the community. While it is up to the leader to make the final decision, it is also necessary to receive the advice of all. As we often hear, we each hold a piece of the truth. It is in our sharing of the pieces of truth that our shared wisdom comes to bear on a decision.

Benedict’s inclusion of the youngest members in the process is quite a new idea in ancient Rome! It is often easy to forget that someone with a fresh perspective can bring us into a new way of thinking, breaking from the “we’ve always done it this way” mentality. In the verses which follow the quote above, Benedict reminds the monks that all are to speak with all humility and not to defend one’s own opinion obstinately. This, too, is a new way of doing things – even in our day!

Benedict trusts that his followers, having been formed in the monastic way, are able to speak the truth lovingly from their hearts and are able to listen and choose wisely.


Sr. Christine, OSB