Trusting in God's Help

Trusting in God's help, he must in love obey. RB80.68.5

There are times in life when the tasks before me seem to take on a life and power of their own. They can seem to be insurmountable and beyond my abilities to accomplish. At times like this, my natural tendency is to become paralized by focusing on the immensity of the challenge rather than using the skills I have to break the "mountain" down into easily mastered pieces. This tendency to over-focus on my perceived deficit rather than my strengths and resiliency is pretty counter-productive because in the end I am usually fearful, confused and frustrated as well as overwhelmed.

This scenario can be turned around will a little bit of creativity and a realistic assessment of the actual issues involved. Benedict knew that there would be times when this could happen in his community, so he included Chapter 68 in the Rule which addresses the performance of what seem to be impossible tasks. In 5 short verses, Benedict acknowledges that a person might be asked to perform a challenging task (one that might seem burdensome and even impossible). He sets up a simple process for addressing the issue. First, the person is to humbly accept the task and try to fulfill the demand. If this proves to be too difficult, then the person may ask to speak to the leader and patiently explain what the obstacles being faced are. If even then the request remains, the person is to accept the challenge as being for the best and trust in God's grace to provide the strength and skills necessary.

When faced with a daunting task (or one that seems so to me), I need to remember to refocus, think and trust in God, in the wisdom of the superior and in the support of the community.

• I need to refocus because obsessing over my frailty and sense of lack will only paralize me further. I need to take a breath and calmly look at the individual steps in a new and creative way. Once I can break the job done into multiple small steps than I can see my progress and also make the job for manageable. I don't need to climb the whole mountain in one leap--I can take it on step at a time. It also keeps me moving forward and out of paralysis.


• Thinking puts me in control of the situation rather than holding me hostage to my fears. By assessing the task and getting a new perspective on it, I can chart the course that the project can take and even surprise myself with my own abilities.


• Trusting in God, in the wisdom of leadership, and in the support of the community is important for me to remember because it is only through the grace of God and the love and support of others that I can do anything. Although I would like to believe that I am in control and self-sufficient, I need to remember that it is God alone who can provide what I lack within myself if I ask. Also I need to acknowledge that I do not possess full wisdom and others might see a latent talent within me that I cannot see yet. In trusting, even when asked to do what seems daunting, I have often surprised myself in my own strength and ability. I have been able to do many things that I never would have imagined.

May I always remember to trust in God's mercy when faced with overwhelming challenges.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Walking the Talk

Again, if he teaches his disciples that something is not to be done, then neither must he do it, lest after preaching to others, he himself be found reprobate (1Cor 9:27)... RB80.2.13

It is said that actions speak louder than words. Today, Benedict reminds the Abbot/Prioress that there is a greater impact by living the preaching rather than simply preaching.

In 1 Corinthians, St. Paul uses the example of an athlete training for an important race. He speaks of the discipline that is required and the benefit to be earned. A person does not train seriously by telling others how things are to be done.

In the same way, a person does not learn to live according to the Gospel by wishing themselves into it. It takes hard work and trust in God's grace.

I need to ask myself regularly if I am training to live the Gospel better in my life each day.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Falling Down and Getting Up Again

As the Apostle says: Do you not know that the patience of God is leading you to repent (Rom 2:4)? And indeed the Lord assures us in his love: I do not wish the death of the sinner, but that he turn back to me and live (Ezek 33:11). (RB80.Prologue.37-38)

I am very grateful that my personal salvation does not rely on myself and my own efforts. That reality is brought back to me day after day when I reflect on some of my personal choices and realize that taken by themselves (without God's mercy and grace) there are many times that I totally miss the mark.

It's not that I spend my days committing grave sins or harboring hatred and malice in my heart. It is much more a case of letting my own laziness or self-will get in the way of me being the person that I was created to be...my best self. There is definitely a measure of self-awareness that reminds me to turn back to God and the right road before I stray too far. That is a gift of God's grace to me. I resolve after each misstep to make a new start and to work at strengthening my commitment.

There is a story from the Desert Tradition (of Early Monasticism) that tells of a person asking an elder what the secret of life is. He explains that it is found in falling down and rising again as many times as it takes. The point is to continue getting up; no matter how difficult or discouraging it may seem. I can find some comfort in this saying since it implies that it is not perfection that is sought in life but a willingness to continue growing and moving along the path. I can do that much. I need to rely on God's grace and on the fellow travelers on the journey to help me get to the goal.

That is both heartening and humbling since I have to accept that fact that I cannot do this on my own strength. What am I doing today to help myself or others along the road of life?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Doing the Impossible

Trusting in God's help, he must in love obey. RB80.68.5

Okay, so I am asked to do something I consider impossible. This request is not just something outside of my comfort zone but pretty much out of the realm of possibility. What am I to do???

I, personally, have never been known to step away from a challenge--no matter what form it might take. But then, I have never really been asked to do anything that I consider impossible or unbearable, just difficult at times.

When I first entered community, I had a well rehearsed list of things that I would never plan on doing...so don't even ask. This list included everything from never driving on less than ideal roads, to not ever choosing to eat unfamiliar foods, to not wanting to spend hours attached to an office. Needless to say, I have tried doing most of these things at one time or another. The secret was to be open enough to trust that those in leadership might possibly have a fuller vision of the truth than I might have at the time.

In chapter 68, Benedict encourages the person to accept "impossible" tasks quietly and at least try to do what was being asked. There is an opportunity to plead a case to be relieved of the burden but only after an honest attempt has been made to fulfil the request. If even after this the request still stands, the person is to accept the assignment quietly and rely on God's grace.

What I have found for myself is that when I am willing to suspend my own will even for a little while and try a new task...the impossible may actually turn out to be possible and I might even discover that I have new talents.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Distribution According to Need

The abbot, however, must always bear in mind what is said in the Acts of the Apostles: Distribution was made to each one as he had need (Acts 4:35). In this way the abbot will take into account the weaknesses of the needy, not the evil will of the envious; yet in all his judgments he must bear in mind God's retribution. RB80. 55.20-22 THINGS!!!!! I have a habit of acquiring more and more things even when I am not intending to. Sometimes it almost seems as if my possessions multiply spontaneously just by being in close proximity to one another. After a while it becomes a question of do I actually possess these things or do they possess me. It's not that I am greedy, a hoarder or never share my things; it's more like people offer me their hand me downs or show me an interesting new craft project and I slowly find myself in a sea of things again. So, how can I keep better track of this and simplify my life so that what I have readily available are the tools I truly need for my daily life?

• Ask myself if the individual things I have are what I need or if there are others who could use some of these things better? Do I really need 3 sweaters that are not the right size anymore or can I give them to charity?


• Are there things that I have that I might be able to share with others? If I only do 1 knitting project every two years do I really need a full set of special knitting needles and an assortment of the best yarns available--just because they were on sale?


• What do I really need for me life to be complete? What can I do with less of?

These are just a few of the questions that I address regularly in my life as I look at my relationship with things.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Reception of Guests

Great care and concern are to be shown in receiving poor people and pilgrims, because in them more particularly Christ is received; our very awe of the rich guarantees them special respect. RB80.53.15 The hospitality that Benedict is calling forth in community is an openning of myself, my life, my home, my comfort for the sake of the other...no matter how inconvenient or uncomfortable. He actually recommends that extra kindness and care be shown to those who are least likely to be the "desired" guest--the poor, the traveler, the elderly, the young, the sick. These guests require a little extra effort on my part because they come needier. Benedict makes reference to Matthew 25 in his instructions for the care of the guest since Christ is to be received in all who show up at our doors--no matter how hard it is to see Christ. There are some among us for whom this type of open welcome comes naturally. It is as if they were born with an innate ability to be welcoming and open to all and everyone who crosses their path. That is a true talent. My mom was like that...she was able to see beyond outward appearances and to treat everyone as a treasured friend. This skill is present even to this day in the number of people that my parents know from the neighborhood, church, and town that consider my parents among their special friends. I would like to believe that I learned that skill from my parents and am continuing to grow in that. When I am attentive to my surroundings, I am able to be open to all I meet. I find that most when I am traveling and fellow passengers strike up conversations with me along the way. I always feel richer for the experience of openning myself up to others. How can I be more open to Christ in my life today in others? Sr. Catherine, OSB

Living Intentionally

Our monastic community is in the beginning stages of performing a self-study. It is an opportunity that we take every 6 years to look at our lives as they are lived, individually and communally, and to assess our strengths, weaknesses and areas for potential growth. Part of this process involves and extensive survey. At the end of our current survey we added a few essay questions about our life. One of the questions was Am I living my monastic life the way I intend to live it? Explain. Although I usually do not have a big problem with telling others what I think and feel, this question caused me to pause for a few minutes. I had to stop and evaluate whether I was making use of the opportunities and support offered to me in life. Am I really living life to its fullest extent for me and also for others? What are some things that need to change within me in order to maximize my life? How can I choose to be a more authentic image of God for others? Chapter 50 of the Rule today (Brothers Working At a Distance or Travelling) reminds me that there does not need to be a dichotomy in my life between who I am at home and who I am away from the group. I need to strive for that singleness of purpose that allows me to be who I am wherever I may find myself. This will be what attracts others to God and to our community. May I strive to be a more authentic image of God's love daily. Sr. Catherine, OSB

Free Disposal of Body and Will

We mean that without an order from the abbot, no one may presume to give, receive or retain anything as his own, nothing at all--not a book, writing tablets or stylus--in short, not a single item, especially since monks may not have the free disposal even of their own bodies and wills. RB80.33.2-4

I am reminded once again that life on earth is transitory and that all those things which I am tempted to consider my own and essential to my life are only temporary loans. That is hard for me to accept, especially since I grew up in a family that taught me that I could be the master of my own destiny and that control was ultimate power.

So, what can I do with this new reality? I can I live peacefully knowing that I am basically dependent on God and others for my daily life?

• I can practice trust everyday. Trust in God and trust in those whom God has placed over me on this journey. I do not need to know everything or be in full control all the time.
• I can write down my fears and anxieties and present them to God daily (or hourly, if necessary).
• I can take time at the beginning and the end of the day to just "be". It can be as little as five minutes to just sit and do nothing but be.

These are just some of the ways in which I can practice my trust and my awareness of my dependence on God and God's mercy today.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

God Is Always Watching

...let him recall that he is always seen by God in heaven, that his actions everywhere are in God's sight and are reported by angels at every hour. RB80.7.13

Growing up it seemed that everytime I had a new idea that would help me lead an exciting life an adult would be nearby to prevent me from acting on my impulses. It seemed that the adults in my life always were aware of what I was planning before I actually got a chance to have any fun.

One such event happened when I was in 1st grade. I was walking home from school with a group of friends and we decided to take a special shortcut to get home faster. We walked along the dry creek bed until we were directly across from our street then decided to jump over a neighbor's fence and cut across the yard. That sounded good and it could have been fun except...I was not a good fence climber (so I chose another fence that seemed more manageable but there were dogs loose in that yard). So when I jumped over the fence 3 dogs came toward me, barking loudly. My friends were already on the other side of the neighbor's yard. The owners rescued me but not before they had called my home to tell my grandmother what had happened. That was the last time I climbed a neighbor's fence in a long time.

Today, we hear that God is always watching us. He is aware of everything we do, not to punish us but to protect us and help us grow towards holiness. God is always like a loving parent watching over us. When I remember that I feel secure in God's love and protection of me.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Asked To Do the Impossible

A brother may be assigned a burdensome task or something he cannot do. If so, he should, with complete gentleness and obedience, accept the order given him. Should he see, however, that the weight of the burden is altogether too much for his strength, then he should choose the appropriate moment and explain patiently to his superior the reasons why he cannot perform the task. RB80.68.1-2

When I first entered community, I came equipped with a list of things that I would absolutely never consider doing. It was meant to scare people away from asking me to do something that might push me out of my comfort zone...even just a little. Glad to say, in the past 25 years I have discovered that everything on my impossible-for-me-to do list was actually quite doable.

That being said, Benedict does realize that there might be an occasion or two when a person is being asked to do something that is quite literally impossible for them. Benedict recommends that the person take the assignment and consider carefully whether the request is impossible or merely uncomfortable. If the task is truly impossible, then I need to go back and explain why it is impossible. Even then I might still be asked to perform the task but at least I know that I tried my best to explain my hesitancy.

There are times in life when I need to trust that someone might see a trait or skill which might be hidden from me. Manytimes the thing that I would never have chosen, mostly because it is a little uncomfortable, has turned out to be a great learning tool for me--learning about myself, learning about life in general. These can be teachable moments.

May I trust God daily to lead me even beyond my own self-imposed boundaries.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Suscipe

After he has put it there [the vows document], the novice himself begins the verse: Receive me, Lord, as you have promised, and I shall live; do not disappoint me in my hope (Ps 118[119]: 116). The whole community repeats the verse three times, and adds "Glory be to the Father." (RB80 58. 21-22)

Suscipe...receive me. What does it take for me to trust God completely with my life?

The above passage from the Rule of Benedict is used as part of the final profession ceremony--when we entrust our lives to God forever (or at least for the next few minutes). I know that it was a permanent commitment that was made on that July morning in 1990 at my profession ceremony. And at that moment, I probably thought that it was a once and forever deal. I was still pretty idealistic about lots of things in those days.

Now, after twenty years of living this life and the dailiness of it, I realize that a daily (sometimes hourly) reaffirmation of that commitment needs to take place within me. I need to remind myself of the goodness of this life (especially when there are doubts or questions in my mind or I lose my focus--which sometimes happens). I need to recall what first drew me here and how that has matured into the reasons I consider this life valuable. It is good for me to reflect on life often.

May I continue to renew my commitment to our life daily.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

My Will vs God's Will

The second step of humility is that a man loves not his own will nor takes pleasure in the satisfaction of his desires; rather he shall imitate by his actions that saying of the Lord: I have come not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me (John 6:38). Similarly we read, "Consent merits punishment; constraint wins a crown." (RB80.7.31-33)

Tenacity, determination, single-mindedness, driven, willful--these are just a few of the terms that can be used as synonyms for STUBBORNNESS. Stubborn is a word that has been used to describe me probably since infancy. I have always known what I wanted things, how I wanted them to be and when I wanted them. When I have my mind and my heart set on a goal or a prize, everyone better stand back because I am determined.

Now how does this will of mine relate to God's will in my life? There are times when my idea of how things should play out and God's will are at odds. What do I do then?

I have slowly learned (and am still learning on a daily basis) to listen for God's voice in my desires. Rather than rush ahead as soon as I think of something, I try to take it to prayer at least a few times before I act on things. This practice allows me to listen to God's will and see where that is leading in relation to my original plan. I do not have it down to a science yet and may not for a long time but there is progress. I also try running my plans by some trusted friends who can often help me see God's plan when I can't.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

The Way of No Fun

Step 1 in the Steps of Humility (RB80.7.1-30) could lead me to believe that the life I have signed on for is going to be one of boredom and drudgery. That is definitely not what I have in mind for my life.

Even after 25 years in our community, I know that a ultra regimented and disciplined life with no adventure and challenge is not for me.

On reflecting on this first step of humility, I find a life that calls me to remember who I am and who God is. I am called to acknowledge the truth that I do not have the full picture of myself (much less of the universe) but God does. I am invited to recall God's care and all-knowing presence. This presence which can be both comforting (at least someone understands all of me) and challenging (there is no hiding from God). I am called to place God and God's will into my daily life.

Although this is the not life I envisioned in my early 20s, monastic life and community have brought me to a very fulfilling way of life.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Healing Takes Time

Unlike the rich man in the Gospel who could not leave his riches behind, St. Katharine Drexel, whose life we celebrate today, had no trouble using her riches to serve God and those poor in spirit. Katharine inherited a substantial fortune and founded the Sisters of the Blessed Sacrament to work among African and Native Americans. Our Oklahoma schools, hospitals and Indian Reservations were blessed by her fortune. In her early 40s, Katherine suffered a heart attack and spent the next 20 years in prayerful retirement.

Katharine knew healing takes time, and Benedict knew this too. He knew that a person who was trying to work through a situation, to recommit herself, and to gain a new perspective, needed an environment of prayerful retirement. He encourages his monks not to meddle, to agitate nor distract a monk in prayerful retirement by conversing with them or sending them messages.

Sr. Veronica, OSB

Humility--More Than A Feeling

When I was a young Sister, we had a chaplain who would tell us regularly that love was more than an itchy feeling around the heart. We heard the statement over and over again and even made jokes about it. Slowly, though we began to grasp the meaning behind the words...love is much more a decision than it is a feeling of any sort. It is a way of life.

Recently, when I was reflecting about humility, I realized that humility is more than just a feeling or sense that I am less than everyone else, that I am the bottom of the totem pole, or a door mat. Humility is more about being confident in the truth about who I am (my creaturehood) in relation to God and the rest of creation. If I am truly humble, I do not have to be right every time nor do I have to be wrong every time. I do not have to be perfect or look perfect. I can be a work in progress and commit myself everyday to growth and progress. I can also be confident of my place in the universe.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Ever Present God

God is everywhere. God sees everything. God knows everything. These are all truths about God that I learned as a child. Pretty basic, right? If so, then why do these same statements turn my life upsidedown sometimes?

While I usually find comfort in God's "allness" there are times when I seek to hide from God. Usually when I am scared, embarrassed or ashamed, I tend to forget easily that God loves me, especially when I don't find myself particularly loveable.

That is when I need to embrace those simple statements and believe in God's love. God loved me first. My response should be love.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

God is Everywhere

One of my favorite psalms is Psalm 139. This is a psalm which talks about God being present everywhere and in every circumstance. The psalmist asks God at one point "where can I run from your presence,..if I fly to heaven you are there if I travel to the netherworld you are also there..."

I have loved this image of the all-knowing, all-present God from my childhood. It just always made me feel secure to know that no matter where I was or what I was doing God was still very alive and present with me through my good times and protecting during the bad. I also meant that even if my parents or grandparents were not always physically there to protect me God was. That was comforting to me.

Even today, I can look around me and see evidence of God's providential love and care for me. How has God been present in life today?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

A Wise Companion

I am reminded of the saying: "Misery loves company." when I read Chapter 27 of the Rule.

Once a person's behavior has caused separation from the community, it is very easy to either fall into deep dispair about the situation or to become even more defiant and try to find allies within the community...causing greater division. What Benedict suggests is for the superior to allow one person to encourage the wayward back into the community. Care must be taken that this is not going to be a misery party. Therefore, the companion must have an adequate amount of maturity not to become part of the problem.

This companion or senpectae is to act as a truth teller to the wayward. We all need people in our lives that care about us enough and that know us well enough to be able to challenge us into growth. I am fortunate to have many friends that have done that for me in my life. The truth tellers in our lives are our truest friends.

May I always be willing to hear and open to the truth presented to me by those wiser than me.

Sr. Catherine

Who is God?

…It is a blessing that you have humbled me so that I can learn your commandments (Ps 118[119].71, 73) (RB 7.54)

Sometimes I forget that God’s name is not Sr. Catherine, Catherine, Cath, SCath, Katrina or any of the other versions of my name to which I respond. To say that I am a little bossy and dominating would be an understatement—although I blame that on being the oldest in my family growing up.

At these times, I need to be reminded that God is God and I am created by God. This passage from Psalm 118 reminds me to keep my focus on God and on God’s law. It is truly a blessing to keep in mind God’s presence and to realize that no matter what happens in the world God is truly in charge.

And all is secure because thankfully I am not God.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

A New Kind of #1

...a monk is content with the lowest and most menial treatment,… (RB 7.49).

Humility is starting to lose its appeal. Not only am I being asked to be honest about whom I really am, now Benedict invites me to be happy with the worst and with being the last! What kind of program would ask that of me?

This section causes major problems for me since I’ve always thought that it is healthy and natural to be competitive, to want to be #1. Here I am invited to be #1 in different way—to be #1 in love, patience, gentleness, trust, listening and serving…a new kind of #1. In this kind of quiet competition, I can strive to be #1 in imitating Jesus and the saints. Those aren’t bad role models to have.

Sr. Catherine, OSB