Revealing Secret Sins

When the cause of the sin lies hidden in his conscience, he is to reveal it only to the abbot or to one of the spiritual elders, who know how to heal their own wounds as well as those of others, without exposing them and making them public. RB80.46.5--6

I would often like to believe that whatever I do when no one else is looking or aware really has no implications. In other words, if no one sees me swipe the cookie or break the dish, it really did not happen on some level. That ultimately is a nice lie that I can tell myself.

There is a piece of ancient wisdom that claims that what is not revealed cannot be healed. Even if I am the only one who knows that I did something or that I am having a problem with something, it is wise to talk it out with a trusted friend, journal about it, bring it to prayer, ask another's assistance. I find that just the act of sharing the issue opens me to the possibility to get new insights or greater clarity. Those things which seemed huge in the dark, can not be cut to size in the light of day. And usually, things are not as bad as they seemed.

I need to remind myself that even what happens in "secret" is not really unseen since God is with me at all times and in all places.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

On Being Received Back

We all have times of pulling back a little from community; times of feeling that we need to reevaluate who we are and why we are part of the team. I know that there have been times like this in my life. St. Benedict provides a directive on how a person is to be accepted back into the group after a time of distance or isolation. The answer is INVOKE PRAYER for the person being received back.

About 13 years ago, I went through a period where I had definitely lost my focus. I could hardly tell you why I had entered the Community much less why I was staying and what my monastic goals were. It was a difficult time and the Community offered me a way to refocus and re-enter our life if I chose to take it. At the time, it definitely did not feel very loving but somehow I knew that there was wisdom in taking the time to pray and refocus my life. After about six months, I returned from the experience much stronger than before. The one thing that kept me growing through that whole time was prayer--my prayer and the prayer connection I had with the Community. I grew alot during that time, especially in my appreciation for Community and the bonds that exist among us.

I pray daily for the grace to continue growing and learning how to apply the Rule in my life daily.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Prayer That Brings Sleep

I have been a problem sleeper since infancy. There are family stories of my poking my grandmother as she tried to get me to sleep--just to make sure that she was as awake and alert as I was.

During sleepless nights I find comfort in praying in the dark. It could be a rosary, a conversation with God, reflection on an earlier event or pondering a fragment of scripture. This prayer time often will either give me the calm I need to slowly return to sleep or the reminder that I am not alone, even in my sleeplessness.

I have come to treasure these times and consider them a special gift to me from God.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Light of Life

"Run while you have the light of life, that the darkness of death may not overtake you" (John 12:35). (RB Pro. 13)

I have been a huge fan of light all my life. To say that I was terrified of the dark as a young child would be a major understatement. I just never knew what might be hiding in dark corners and I was not the least interested in finding out.

Benedict placing light/life, darkness/death as parallels, we are given an interesting and graphic comparison. I long to run with the freedom which brightness and light seem to call forth, what are the places within me which still hold me in the bondage of darkness and fear? What new growth is being called forth within me?

Sr. Catherine, OSB