Fiddling One's Energy

It is high time to arise from sleep. (Prologue. 8.14)

When I was in college, one summer several of us juniors and seniors lived in a house in the city. A single mother with 3 teenage daughters lived across the street. The mother and the two older girls worked every day, but Teresa the youngest was left at home alone. Teresa thought it was great fun hanging out with us college girls. Most of us enjoyed having Teresa around; she was always happy and always working on some project, but one of our classmates could not tolerate Teresa. One day she told her to go home because she was always causing her to sin—in other words, Teresa was bugging her and she told her that if she didn’t come around, she would probably never have to go to confession. We were all pretty upset about the situation. But, Teresa did not stop her visits.

Our classmate was spending all her energy resenting and letting Teresa bug her.

Benedict tells us to wake up, to open our eyes and ears, to listen to the voice of the Lord speaking to us through every person and situation, to spend our energy n learning to live the monastic life. We fiddle our energy away by trying to solve all the problems in the community and trying to handle all the problem people in the community. It is so much easier to fiddle our energy on others rather than fight my own self so that I may love my sisters and my community just as it is.

Let us fiddle our energies to lectio and prayer time.

Sr. Veronica, OSB

Preparing for the Battle

I am a pacifist at heart. I do try to put on a strong front and a tough exterior many times but I really do believe and pray for peace daily. So, then, how do I deal with the military language that is presented at the begining of the Rule? After all, with words like truce and battle most true pacifists would probably have stopped reading the Rule by now, right?

The battle that we are preparing for is the struggle against our ego, our self-will, our dark side, the sin in our lives. That can feel like an internal war at times. I know that although I am basically a good person and strive to do the right thing, there are times when the wrong thing or the mediocre thing seems more appealing because it is the easiest or the most comfortable. Sometimes I might choose the wrong thing just because I am tired or don't really care that day. That is part of being human.

I still strive though to grow daily. That requires vigilance, training, focus and goal setting so that I know how to be prepared at the time when I need to make a quick choice. So it is not so much that I want to do battle and enjoy the military imagery but that there is a real battle going on against myself and toward God.

I do want to be part of that war so that at the end of my life I can look around and find myself with my community at God's side.

Sr. Catherine

Prayer That Brings Sleep

I have been a problem sleeper since infancy. There are family stories of my poking my grandmother as she tried to get me to sleep--just to make sure that she was as awake and alert as I was.

During sleepless nights I find comfort in praying in the dark. It could be a rosary, a conversation with God, reflection on an earlier event or pondering a fragment of scripture. This prayer time often will either give me the calm I need to slowly return to sleep or the reminder that I am not alone, even in my sleeplessness.

I have come to treasure these times and consider them a special gift to me from God.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

The Lord's Prayer

Assuredly, the celebration of Lauds and Vespers must never pass by without the superior's reciting the entire Lord's Prayer at the end for all to hear, because thorns of contention are likely to spring up. (RB 13. 12)

In our community, the Lord's Prayer is recited at least 3 times daily in our common prayer. Benedict requires recitation of this prayer at least twice daily. Since we live in community and at times bitterness and resentments can arise, Benedict recommends that we also put forgiveness into practice daily.

The phrase "forgive us as we forgive" is meant to remind us that we should give others the same forgiveness and benefit of the doubt that we desire for ourselves. It is sometimes difficult for me to forgive those who have slighted me in some way. When I consider how much I have been forgiven any injury to me suddenly pales.

May God continue to be more gracious to me than I might tend to be to others.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

A New Kind of #1

...a monk is content with the lowest and most menial treatment,… (RB 7.49).

Humility is starting to lose its appeal. Not only am I being asked to be honest about whom I really am, now Benedict invites me to be happy with the worst and with being the last! What kind of program would ask that of me?

This section causes major problems for me since I’ve always thought that it is healthy and natural to be competitive, to want to be #1. Here I am invited to be #1 in different way—to be #1 in love, patience, gentleness, trust, listening and serving…a new kind of #1. In this kind of quiet competition, I can strive to be #1 in imitating Jesus and the saints. Those aren’t bad role models to have.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Living in God's Presence

…we must believe that God is always with us…(RB 7.23)

That God is always with us reminds me of Christmas. At Christmas God sent a present into the world, the gift of a loving presence named Jesus. This Jesus taught us the real value of gift-giving. Jesus gave no material gifts to others; He gave his personal presence and treasures from the heart –forgiveness, compassion, healing, peace.

These are the gifts He wants us to give. He asks us to be Jesus to one another by our personal presence, and give these treasures from the heart -- our care and concern, our hope, our joy, our understanding and forgiveness, our kindness and our patience.

Sr. Veronica, OSB