On Being Accountable

The fifth step of humility is that a man does not conceal from his abbot any sinful thoughts entering his heart, or any wrongs committed in secret, but rather confesses them humbly. RB80.7.44

Manifestation of thoughts (exagoreusis) is the ancient custom of revealing all thoughts, impulses and emotions present in one's consciousness. It is the way in which a sincere seeker could bring out hidden inclinations to be observed and if necessary eradicated. It was a way in which tendencies and impulses could be assessed before they became either sin, passions or ingrained patterns of being.

Although I was unfamiliar with the concept until after entered our community, I grew up with a sense of something similar to this practice. During adolescence, I discovered that a multitude of thoughts seemed always be traveling through my head. It was often easy for me to obsess on my thoughts--sometimes to the point of not being able to break the hold of these thoughts. The only thing that seemed to relieve some of my more insistent ideas was to find a trusted person to tell these obsessive thoughts to--or write them down if no one suitable was available.

What these actions did was get the thoughts outside of myself and allow me to look at them a little more objectively. I could separate from the confusion in my mind and see more clearly the direction toward which this chain of thinking was leading me. It also gave an ability to stop before I acted impulsively at times. Another benefit that I found in this getting stuff out of my brain was that if I could see it more clearly, I could also come up with an action plan that might help me avoid future problems. In a sense, it gave me the ability to be accountable. If a particularly troublesome idea kept emerging, I could make plans to stop it earlier in the future.

One of the new insights I received through this process was that the thoughts that I could either write down or share with another were less likely to present themselves again as readily. In a sense, if I knew that I was going to have to be accountable for the same impulse sometime soon I was less likely to fall prey to it. That is one of the benefits to the concept of manifestation of thoughts...there is an accountability factor that takes hold.

Today, I am grateful for the many ways in which I can grow in my self-knowledge and on my path to holiness.

Sr. Catherine, OSB