There are ways in which I can follow a command externally while internally negating every good action that I am performing. This is what Benedict writes about when he asks that obedience be more than just an external action but also an attitude that is nurtured deep within me.
I am reminded of some my attitudes and behaviors that caused me problems when I was a young teen. By my teen years I had mastered two skills very well, I could roll my eyes and mimic my elders and I could also pretend to obey by going through the motions of following instructions. What I did not realize was that others around me, especially adults, could see through my pretend obedience. They were also aware of my mimicking and eye rolling and hoped that I would soon outgrow that.
There soon came a time when I could no longer pretend to obey and I had to decide what kind of person I wanted to be. Did I want to be sincere and authentic and build up community, teams, and relationships? Or would I rather pretend to follow the rules and quietly tear down relationships and community? I struggled with this a long time.
My desire for authenticity, sincerity and building relationships won out but there are times when I still need to make this decision daily. What kind of community/team member is God calling you to be today?
Sr. Catherine, OSB
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