True Humility

The sixth step of humility is that a monk is content with the lowest and most menial treatment, and regards himself as a poor and worthless workman in whatever task he is given, saying to himself with the Prophet: I am insignificant and ignorant, no better than a beast before you, yet I am with you always (Ps 72[73]:22-23). RB80.7.49-50

Humility deals with the truth. It is the awareness of who I am without much pretense. It is an acknowledgement that in the great scheme of things I fall somewhere in the middle of the pile. I am not the best or the worst, the first or the last. In a sense, I am with everyone else in the middle somewhere...and that is really okay. My identity and worth is not necessarily attached to being #1 all of the time. It is actually freeing to just be with everyone else.

This is not a vote for mediocrity. It is just an awareness that it is only through God's grace that I possess skills, talents, and life. It is God's gift and constant Presence that allow me to be successful in my endeavors. All of my accomplishments are actually due to God's love and mercy.

The passage from Psalm 72[73] which concludes today's reading recalls the reality of God's constant presence and guidance in daily life. In the RSV Bible, verse 23 speaks not only of God's presence but also that God holds me by the hand--in a sense, leading me along the paths of life. This thought is comforting since it seems to say that if I am willing to let God lead me through life (rather than fight for an illusion of control) God will be there--not just sometimes but all of the time. What more could I ask for?

May I continue to grow in my awareness of God's presence in my daily life.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

The Fear of God

The first step of humility, then, is that a man keeps the fear of God always before his eyes (Ps35[36]:2) and never forgets it. RB80.7.10

What is the significance of fear when considered in the context of fear of God? What does the fear of God mean? What does it look and feel like? Can fear ever be experienced in a positive light?

According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, one of the definitions of fear is to have a reverential awe of someone or something. This definition implies that I have an awareness of a separation between myself and the object of my awe. In looking at the fear of God, I recognize that I am not God and God is much greater than I am.

Taking this definition of fear, then, fear of God is an experience of being in wonder and awe at the magnitude of God. It is like being so aware of the immensity of love, goodness and compassion that reside within God and only being able to say WOW!!!!! or OMG!!!!! (as an expression of wonder to the point of speechlessness--rather than just as a comment).

Today, Benedict invites me to remember the great immensity of God not with trembling but with gratitude, reverence and awe. When I am honest with myself, I can readily agree that it is wonderful to recognize that God is with me in everything that I do and that God provides the necessary grace and strength needed to live well. It is when I forget and try to take back God's power that I can get into trouble.

During one of my lapses (where I was a little confused about whether God or Catherine was actually God), a friend of mine recommended a short fragment from the New Testament to remember--apart from me you can do nothing (from John 15:5). At the time I really did not find the quote particularly appealing but as I have reflected on this piece over that last few months I have come to appreciate the wisdom that is contained in those few short words. It helps me to keep my balance and perspective when I remember this line. It has also reminded me that the whole world does not necessarily depend on me.

As I look at the first step of humility today, I desire to continue living with an awareness of the fear of God.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Weighed Down Hearts

Our Lord says: Take care that your hearts are not weighed down with overindulgence (Luke 21:34). RB80.39.9

Today's passage is talking about food and eating. Basically, Benedict is advocating avoiding overindulgence or obsession about food within the monastery and in life.

Although I am definitely a person who loves food. I get pleasure from eating. I enjoying playing with food (one of the reasons I like baking yeast bread from scratch); I like planning meals. I am definitely about food, I do try not to obsess about it too much.

But if my heart is not weighed down with thoughts of food, what are the things that can distract me from single-hearted focus on God? Afterall, one of the hallmarks of monastic life is seeking God in all things.

• I can be destracted by my own plans and vision of life. I can be an extreme planner and totally miss the message that God is imparting today by focussing only on MY plans.


• I can easily be sidetracked by fear. I am not a fan of pain so will often take what looks like the more agreeable plan in order to avoid discomfort.


• I am a dreamer so I can easily get stuck in how things should be and miss the beauty of God's plan.


• I can sometimes be attracted to the glamour of being in control. Control can often seduce me into focusing on myself and my image rather than on reality and God's plans.

This are all things that can weigh my heart down and distract me from my true goal of seeking God in all things and listening to God's word.

What am I doing today to avoid being weighed down by illusions?

Being a Good Patient

Let the sick on their part bear in mind that they are served out of honor for God, and let them not by their excessive demands distress their brothers who serve them. RB80.36.4

I am fortunate to have been blessed with very good health. My health is a blessing to me and also to those who live with me because I am not sure how good a patient I would be if I was ever really ill.

First, I am not a fan of pain in any form. As soon as I feel a headache, a toothache or itch coming on, I know that whining and complaining is probably not far behind. I can stand pain or discomfort about 30 seconds, then it's time to look for a way out.

Second, patience is not a hallmark of my personality. I am definitely a person who wants everything right now--as soon as I think of it. Unfortunately, relief from pain is usually not quite so automatic. I can not will my pain away, although I might be tempted to try.

Third, I am not one to suffer quietly, if something is wrong, I really believe that everyone around needs to know about it and share my misery.

That being said, how does today's reading about Care for the Sick help me to grow in this aspect of my life?

Benedict reminds the one who is ill that the care and respect offered are out of love of Christ. The person in need is to be humble in all their needs not demanding and overbearing. The sick are to remember that for that particular instance they are taking the place of the weak Christ in the community.

When I can recall these things, I am less likely to be demanding, impatient, and disagreeable and to be humble in my requests.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Care of the Goods

The goods of the monastery, that is, its tools, clothing or anything else, should be entrusted to brothers whom the abbot appoints and in whose manner of life he has confidence. RB80.32.1

Benedict wants to assure that the material possessions of the community are in good care. Benedict, once again, states that the character of the monastic should be taken into account in the distribution of tools and goods. The character and behavior of the person has been important in the assignment of responsibilities and authority, in relationships within the monastery, and now with how the monastery goods are handled. What is it about these three things that would have them take on such importance? After all, aren't the goods just things???

I think that Benedict might be reminding the person that all is gift from God--our possessions, our relationships, and all of creation. These are all loans to us from God and need to be handled wisely with humility and care.

How can I increase my awareness of this amazing gift from God? I desire to grow daily in this aspect during Lent.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

O God Come to My Assistance

Each of the community prayer times is to begin with the following invocation: O God, come to my assistance. O Lord make haste to help me. With this constant reminder throughout the day of our need for God's grace and mercy, our day is filled with an awareness of who I am and who God is in the world. God is Creator, I am created.

Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that, especially if I am on a very successful stretch of time when most things seem to be going extremely well. I can have a tendency to take credit for the successes and accomplishments in my life and forget that actually they are all a very generous gift from God; since without God's grace I can do very little successfully.

This verse at the beginning of our community prayers recalls this fact for me. I am invited to remember throughout the day, whose I am and to whom I should be grateful.

May I always remember to praise God for his gifts to me.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Prayer for the Erring--A Greater Remedy

We are still in Benedict's disciplinary chapters. Today, Benedict suggests that once the leader has coaxed, encouraged, and sanctioned the erring member and all have failed; the last remedy to try is prayer. Since the Rule was written for a religious community, it seems odd that prayer is left as the last resort.

Maybe Benedict, in his wisdom, realized that the superior was probably going to try everything humanly possible first before resorting to calling in God on the matter. In my life, I often find myself turning to prayer after I have tried dealing with an issue myself first. I tend to hesitate admitting defeat--and in a sense, asking for God's assistance can be seen as a defeat (actually a defeat of my arrogance of thinking that I can handle things on my own).

For myself, when I invite others to pray with me over an issue or concern that I may have I am actually taking the issue more seriously. It's not just a minor annoyance anymore. Many times there is a shift in my perspective or my attitude about the situation. I recognize that this is a major concern not just a minor irritation.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Laughing Manor--A Happy Place

The tenth step of humility is that he is not given to ready laughter, for it is written: Only a fool raises his voice in laughter (Sir 21.23). RB80.7.59

From reading this passage one would think that the monastery is to be a very solemn, quiet, mirthless place. (Not an appealing thought to anyone with the least hint of a sense of humor.) An unfortunately before I entered the monastery, that is what I thought my life would be like. I was wrong.

What I found in our community were women much like myself who love life, love God and love one another. I found women so full of joy and hope that they found it hard to contain it within themselves--there was a need to share this spirit...often in laughter.

One of our sisters who has died (Sister Joachim) used to tease some of those blessed with contagious and explosive laughter by saying that someone might confuse us with "Laughing Manor" rather than a monastic community. That is a good thing because it humanizes our community to many and can even encourage some interest and questions about our life.

I invite you to take a look through our new, updated website (stjosephmonastery.org) and become familiar with our community and the services we offer. You might even see quite a few of us having fun while living our life.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Following Instructions

The eighth step of humility is that a monk does only what is endorsed by the common rule of the monastery and the example set by his superiors. RB80.7.55

There is a special talent in being able to follow directions and not deviate from the expected norm. I know this from experience since I am not a person who cares to follow instructions all the time and ends up working harder to clean up messes.

I enjoy living on the edge and learning by doing so when given the option of reading the manual or recipe or just "winging it" and hoping for the best. I usually just forge ahead and get ready for an adventure. After all, how many great discoveries would have been lost if everyone followed the guidebooks all the time?

In community life, however, Benedict is inviting me to consider adhering to the basic plan for the group...not to head out on my own taking others with me. Not everyone enjoys an adventure as much as I do and there is prudence in being respectful of other's sensitivities. All of life does not have to be lived by my rules. I need to be willing to bend and accept the norm.

I need to pray for the grace to temper my need for innovation and excitement with other's need for security.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Living the Truth

One of the root elements of humility as a virtue is the idea that humility is about our humanity and truth. Keeping things in right perspective is essential for humility. Living in the comfort of knowing that I do not have to be the "best" (the holiest, the most talented, the smartest, the funniest) or the "worst" (the greatest sinner, the least worthy, the most pitiable). It really is okay to be somewhere in the middle--much like everyone else.

All that humility asks of me is that I acknowledge my humanity, praise God for my strengths, and work on my weaknesses quietly and patiently. All I am asked to do is to be the best version of "Catherine" I can be and to learn from my past failures. I need to find the lessons which are held within my mistakes and try to do better today than yesterday.

Living in this way helps me to keep things in better perspective and to keep the focus on my and my growth not on others.

May I continue to grow in humility.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

On Being Content

The sixth step of humility is that a monk is content with the lowest and most menial treatment, and regards himself as a poor and worthless workman in whatever task he is given... RB80.7.49

Although chapter 7 in the Rule is one that has always held my interest (mostly because it gives a new perspective to a somewhat unappealing virtue for which to strive), I cannot say that this particular passage is one of my favorites. Actually, I would rather read right past it most of the time.

I do not generally act graciously when offered the worst treatment available. Actually, I usually rebel and complain to anyone and everyone who will listen to me. I also have great difficulty regarding myself as a substandard participant in creation. After all, wasn't I taught growing up that I was just as good as everyone else? So what is the new insight to which Benedict is inviting me?

Maybe it is a reminder that everything is not always going to be fair or go my way. There will be bumps in the road, especially in dealing with others, and I am not always going to be on top...so learn to deal with it as graciously as possible (don't whine). I need to remember that while I am not always on top, I am not always on the bottom either; I'm usually somewhere in the middle and that is okay. That is the reality, be okay with it.

How am I dealing with the daily realities of life today?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Better in Good Works and in Humility

Only in this are we distinguished in his sight: if we are found better than others in good works and in humility. RB80.2.21


I have a secret desire to be special, to be the star, to be the center of the universe. Actually most people that know me well would say that it is a not so secret desire.

I am always looking for the tip that will give me that edge to a successful and distinguished life. That has pretty much been a lifetime goal since I do tend to be pretty driven and intense about life at times.

Benedict today provides me a glimpse at what really matters in life for God. I am to strive to be better than others at good works and in humility. Okay, I might be able to do the good works piece--I know all the right actions and I am pretty good at being nice to others and helping out when needed (even without being asked). That first part I think I might be able to handle for a while. BUT to do all of these things in humility?

I bet that means that I cannot announce every good deed that I perform. I can't be showy in my good actions. I need to remember not be do good works only when there is an audience around to praise me. Acting like a martyr in the midst of all this action probably negates humility also.

Today's question for me: How can I be better in both good works and humility today?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Leadership in Prayer

No one should presume to read or sing unless he is able to benefit the hearers; let this be done with humility, seriousness and reverence, and at the abbot’s bidding. RB80.47.3-4

Humility, seriousness, reverence--these are the qualities that the person who takes on the role of reader/chanter/prayer leader must possess. It seems important to Benedict that the monk assigned these roles realize that their function is not to draw attention to themselves. It is often said that the best minister/servant is the one who can convey the message without making it into a performance.

In a performance, the actors are the main focus and the rest are spectators. In common prayer, there really is no space for stars and spectators--we all share a participatory role in worship.

May I always remember who I am during prayer and who God is.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

The Way of No Fun

Step 1 in the Steps of Humility (RB80.7.1-30) could lead me to believe that the life I have signed on for is going to be one of boredom and drudgery. That is definitely not what I have in mind for my life.

Even after 25 years in our community, I know that a ultra regimented and disciplined life with no adventure and challenge is not for me.

On reflecting on this first step of humility, I find a life that calls me to remember who I am and who God is. I am called to acknowledge the truth that I do not have the full picture of myself (much less of the universe) but God does. I am invited to recall God's care and all-knowing presence. This presence which can be both comforting (at least someone understands all of me) and challenging (there is no hiding from God). I am called to place God and God's will into my daily life.

Although this is the not life I envisioned in my early 20s, monastic life and community have brought me to a very fulfilling way of life.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Playing Hide and Seek

...let him recall that he is always seen by God in heaven, that his actions everywhere are in God’s sight and are reported by angels at every hour. (RB80.7.13)

Playing hide and seek was one of my favorite games as a child. I liked the challenge of finding creative places to hide--often almost in plain sight. My size and my ability to blend in with my environment helped with this.

As I grew older, I found new ways of playing this game. I began looking for ways to hide from God; especially if it felt like God was wanting to get my attention or if God had a message that I did not particularly want to receive. I figured if I made myself hard to find by getting really busy, skipping my prayer time, arguing with God, or any number of other ways I would not be able to hear God and God would give up on me. WRONG!!!

What I usually found when I was willing to listen is that I had been fighting a hopeless battle against my own good anyway. I really should have paid attention in the beginning and saved my energy. God did have my best interest at heart.

I try not to play hide and seek as much these days. What are the games you play with God? What do they gain for you?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

All Eyes on ME

Now the ladder erected is our life on earth, and if we humble our hearts the Lord will raise it to heaven. We may call our body and soul the sides of this ladder, into which our divine vocation has fitted the various steps of humility and discipline as we ascend. (RB80.7.8-9)

We come again to the study of humility. One of those virtues that we are to desire; yet one can seem pretty elusive.

I grew up with the idea that everything in life was supposed to be about ME. It became apparent at an early age that I had a need to be verbal, very verbal. So, I was taught to express myself.

I did a great job at learning that lesson: I have thoughts, I have feelings, I had opinions...about almost everything. I have likes and dislikes; I have strengths; I have passions; I have desires; I have a need to be noticed. As you can tell, lots of my life can be about me sometimes.

Chapter 7, "On Humility", gives me a chance to pause, give my "me" focus a rest. Benedict reminds me that the end goal of life is eternal life with God in heaven. He believes that I cannot get there on my own, through focusing on how great I am and what I can accomplish. It is only through remembering who God is and who I am that the goal can be reached. The secret to reaching eternal life is remembering that all is gift from God. It is God who provides all the material and the strength necessary to live a good life.

How am I using God's gifts today?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Fear of the Lord

Fear of the Lord seems to be foundational to the development of wisdom. I am very familiar with fear. After all, growing up I had fear of: the dark, the sounds animals made in the canyons, being forgotten or left somewhere, crowds, gangs, falling,...fear, fear, fear. I had so much fear that at times it paralyzed me.

The fear that Benedict is talking about in "fear of the Lord" is not that type of fear. It is not a fear that binds me to my imagination and the confines of myself but one that opens up possibilities and frees me for life. This fear, in my mind, is similar to awe, reverence, and wonder. It is a sense of who God is, who I am in God's presence and who I am not. It is finding God everywhere.

I pray for the ability to always see God in life.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

The Lenten Check Up

We are ending Lent at the same point as when we started. On Ash Wednesday, we began the Season of Lent looking at what would bring us closer to God in our lives. Today, as the Season of Lent ends, I can look over the past weeks and see where I have grown, been faithful and where my resolutions faltered.

I always seem to start Lent with promises of huge growth and great progress on my spiritual journey. Fact is, most of my Lenten resolutions rarely make it much past the First Sunday of Lent. I do remember to get up and try again everytime that I fall short. The wonderful thing about Lent is that it reminds me that I cannot save myself, no matter how hard I try. That is why I need the Passion, Death and Resurrection of Jesus. Where I am unable to help myself, God has been gracious enought to save me through the Death and Resurrection of his Son.

As I reflect on the events of Holy Week, I pray for a greater awareness of God's Love for me and for us all.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Accepting Mistakes

It is so easy to pass the blame when things do not go the way I want them to, the way I expect them to, or the way they should. Whenever something goes wrong in my life, big or small (usually small), the first thing I do is look for a place to attribute blame. Who was not doing their job? Surely, it wasn't that I screwed up.

This morning for the second time this week I woke up, just as the bell was sounding for Morning Prayer (that means 5 minutes to be there or be late). Of course, I spent the first 3 minutes berating fate for making morning come so early. Then, as I was scrambling to get dressed, I found my scape goat for today. It must have been that the medication I took last night made me so groggy that I forgot to get up when I turned off my alarm clock. I must have turned off the alarm and gone directly back to sleep. It would have been so much easier to just admit that I did not want to get up in the morning and had turned off the alarm rather than hit the snooze. It would have been easier but then I also would have to take some of the blame and accept once again that I am human. That calls for humility.

Daily I pray for the courage and humility to be able to accept that I do screw up sometimes (that's part of being human). It is not the end of the world but it is part of my reality.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

My Acre of Land

God gives each of us an acre of land in his domain. We are to make this acre of land into a holy ground, the same kind of ground Moses stood on before the burning bush where he spoke to God. In making my acre into a holy ground fertile and fruitful, I may need one tool, a hoe, some nutrients and some water. But my sister may need not only a hoe, but because of some weakness, she may also need someone to help her turn the soil. She may need someone to give her instructions on how to use the nutrients and someone to carry the water.

Benedict insists that we all need to ask for and be given those tools we need to make our acre of land a holy ground. Those of us who need fewer tools should thank God and those of us who need more tools should be humble enough to accept them. None of us should notice the differences.

Sr. Veronica, OSB