Grudging Obedience

If a disciple obeys grudgingly and grumbles, not only aloud but also in his heart, then, even though he carries out the order, his action will not be accepted with favor by God, who sees that he is grumbling in his heart. RB80.5.17-18

There is a way in which I can seem to obey (and maybe obey fairly readily) in my actions yet be complaining or arguing within myself. This outward obedience is a skill that I perfected during my teens and early adult years. It was an outward compliance usually accompanied with an eye roll and inner rebellion. I could be made to obey but I would not do so willingly.

I would hope that maturity has brought about different behavior from me but that is not always the case. I need to examine my motivations and evaluate my obedience or hesitancy towards it.

Here are some questions that I find valuable at times to consider:

• Is the request unreasonable or does it seem so because I don't want to obey?
• What is the cost of obedience today? Is it worth the extra energy to fight against the request?
• Am I hesitating because of a power struggle?
• Is my reluctance fear based?
• In the larger picture, is this a negotiable issue or something that I can learn a life lesson from?

These are just a few of the questions that I ask myself when considering my reluctance towards obedience. I need to be able to trust whoever is in authority over me and God to be looking out for my good.

Sr. Catherine, OSB