Doing the Lord's Will

The second step of humility is that a man loves not his own will nor takes pleasure in the satisfaction of his desires;... RB80.7.31

There is a difference between being strong willed/stubborn and having will power. I have always been a person who tends to have a very strong will but when it comes to having discipline and will power I tend to fall short. As many who know me will attest, I can out stubborn just about anybody (not a very good quality to have).

Today we hear Benedict tell his disciples to strive for will power rather than willfulness. I am invited to look at those things that I am passionate about and see if they are based out of thought and discipline or likes and whim.

Working to achieve discerned will power makes me stronger when difficulties arise. I will know better how to stop and think and delay gratification (not my usual tendency). I will get opportunities to practice my self-discipline by thinking things through and listening to others rather than mindlessly holding on to my own desires.

May I be open to God's will in my life.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

God Is Always Watching

...let him recall that he is always seen by God in heaven, that his actions everywhere are in God's sight and are reported by angels at every hour. RB80.7.13

Growing up it seemed that everytime I had a new idea that would help me lead an exciting life an adult would be nearby to prevent me from acting on my impulses. It seemed that the adults in my life always were aware of what I was planning before I actually got a chance to have any fun.

One such event happened when I was in 1st grade. I was walking home from school with a group of friends and we decided to take a special shortcut to get home faster. We walked along the dry creek bed until we were directly across from our street then decided to jump over a neighbor's fence and cut across the yard. That sounded good and it could have been fun except...I was not a good fence climber (so I chose another fence that seemed more manageable but there were dogs loose in that yard). So when I jumped over the fence 3 dogs came toward me, barking loudly. My friends were already on the other side of the neighbor's yard. The owners rescued me but not before they had called my home to tell my grandmother what had happened. That was the last time I climbed a neighbor's fence in a long time.

Today, we hear that God is always watching us. He is aware of everything we do, not to punish us but to protect us and help us grow towards holiness. God is always like a loving parent watching over us. When I remember that I feel secure in God's love and protection of me.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Respecting Silence

...there are times when good words are to be left unsaid out of esteem for silence. RB80.6.2

When visitors first come to our house they often comment on how quiet and still our home seems to be. Our monastery can be considered an oasis of sorts from the hectic world.

Chapter 6 of the Rule invites us to consider the virtue of silence or restraint of speech. Although Benedict acknowledges that there appropriate times and uses for speech, he also points out that there are occasions when even good words are to be left unsaid. Since I am a person who is very comfortable in the world of speech, I am invited to consider situations when words that are true might better be left unsaid for the sake of charity or compassion.

• I do not have to speak every thought that passes through my mind. Sometimes my initial reaction or response to something new or different may be harsh and might hurt another.
• There are situations when information must be held until the appropriate time. If there is a surprise party being held for someone, I really do not want to be the person who spoils the secret.
• I may not have all the information necessary to be able to speak adequately on a topic.
• I might be wiser to hold my comments until I have had some time to think through the plan and any consequences.
• As true and sincere as the words might be, not everyone needs to know what is passing through my mind.

I need to learn to filter my speech with charity and compassion. I need to remember to ask myself: Is this something that really needs to be said?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Grudging Obedience

If a disciple obeys grudgingly and grumbles, not only aloud but also in his heart, then, even though he carries out the order, his action will not be accepted with favor by God, who sees that he is grumbling in his heart. RB80.5.17-18

There is a way in which I can seem to obey (and maybe obey fairly readily) in my actions yet be complaining or arguing within myself. This outward obedience is a skill that I perfected during my teens and early adult years. It was an outward compliance usually accompanied with an eye roll and inner rebellion. I could be made to obey but I would not do so willingly.

I would hope that maturity has brought about different behavior from me but that is not always the case. I need to examine my motivations and evaluate my obedience or hesitancy towards it.

Here are some questions that I find valuable at times to consider:

• Is the request unreasonable or does it seem so because I don't want to obey?
• What is the cost of obedience today? Is it worth the extra energy to fight against the request?
• Am I hesitating because of a power struggle?
• Is my reluctance fear based?
• In the larger picture, is this a negotiable issue or something that I can learn a life lesson from?

These are just a few of the questions that I ask myself when considering my reluctance towards obedience. I need to be able to trust whoever is in authority over me and God to be looking out for my good.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Ready Obedience

Such people as these immediately put aside their own concerns, abandon their own will, and lay down whatever they have in hand, leaving it unfinished. With the ready step of obedience, they follow the voice of authority in their actions. Almost at the same moment, then, as the master gives the instruction the disciple quickly puts it into practice in the fear of God; and both actions together are swiftly completed as one. RB80.5.7-9

There is an urgency that comes from reading this passage from the Rule. The monastic is to put their own agenda aside immediately, abandon tasks and desires unfullfilled. These actions take place simultaneously with the command. That type of obedience has never been part of my reality.

Growing up, I fully embraced the philosophy of the late 60's and early 70's, where everything was available for debate. I would obey to a point but eventually I would start questioning the thinking behind the request. I didn't really mind doing things but I did want to know why I was required to do things. I have always been a person with tons of questions and lots of opinions about almost any matter.

Benedict, in this passage, is inviting me to trust in those in authority and in the community. I am to trust that I might not always have all of the answers or maybe even the full vision. It is okay not to know all the details at the beginning. I practice in trusting that the community/family/group will look out for my best interests most times. I need to trust that God might be speaking to me through those in authority.

I desire to grow in my openness and obedience. How am I following God today in obedience?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Stability in the Community

The workshop where we are to toil faithfully at all these tasks is the enclosure of the monastery and stability in the community. RB80.4.78

Chapter 4 of the Rule of Benedict speaks of the Tools of Good Works or as some translators refer to it, The Tools of the Spiritual Craft. We have just finished listing the various tools or skills which are necessary in order to live Christian/monastic life well. It is a list which includes the 10 Commandments, the Golden Rule, the 2 Great Commandments as well as bits of common folk wisdom.

Living a life according to the Tools of Good Works sounds a bit like an ideal at times. After all, there are 78 verses of wisdom contained in this chapter. Who but the most diligent among us can live up to these precepts if not all the time, at least half the time??? I know I can't.

My natural tendency would be to run in the face of such a daunting task. I do not like to fail...so if failure is a possibility (or a sure certainty) I think I will just opt out. But this is about living life fully, I have to at least make the attempt.

Today's passage gives me a glimmer of hope to persevere. It invites me to remain at the task I committed to at the start. It reminds me that although I may not get it perfectly all the time, or even any of the time, all I am asked to do is to remain faithful to the life I chose when I said yes to the monastic life. I don't have to get it right, I just have to keep trying with everyone else.

How am I using the tools of good works in my life today?

Sr. Catherine

Yearning for Everlasting Life

Yearn for everlasting life with holy desire. RB80.4.46

I LOVE life. I thoroughly enjoy the experience of awakening every morning to all the new opportunities available. To me, every new day is filled with a myriad of new experiences, adventures and ways to discover God in our world.

That being said...I need to examine whether I truly yearn for everlasting life with holy desire. Is it the fullness of life that I love or is it a life which is basically more of the life I live now? I would like to say that I seek the fullness of life...afterall, who would settle for anything less?

But what does this life look like? What is this fullness to which we are called through our baptism?

We are taught that the essential vocation of all baptized Christians is a life of holiness, modeled after Jesus. We are called to be "saints-in-progress." We are called to a life of love of God and others. We are invited to serve others within our respective communities and to be witnesses to the life,death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

If I am truly seeking to life the fullness of life daily, I need to ask myself: What face of Christ am I showing today to those I encounter?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Gospel Living

The opening verses of Chapter 4 of the Rule of Benedict (The Tools of Good Works) provides me with a pretty clear blue-print of what is necessary to be a Christian. This enterprise is about taking the Scripture teachings into my life and making them part of me.

When I was completing my Masters in Theology, I mentioned in one of my Comps questions that part of living monastic life for a number of years is that eventually the psalms and scripture passages that we pray seep into our bones. Someone asked me to elaborate on this idea at the time but I could not adequately put into words the mystery of how this happens in our daily prayer. I truly do believe that over the years we do eventually become a living scripture of sorts.

I do realize though that this is a process...it does not happen overnight or in a few years. It is a lifelong process. It is my personal goal.

May I remain open to God's word speaking within me.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

The Good of the Whole

In the monastery no one is to follow his own heart's desire, nor shall anyone presume to contend with his abbot defiantly, or outside the monastery. RB80.3.8-9

I am a very creative person and generally have tons of ideas (not all necessarily well thought out). For the most part I am willing to share my ideas and opinions with whomever will listen.

There is a danger, though of becoming too attached to my plans, ideas and proposals. Sometimes my plans start to get confused with my identity. When I become so closely identified with my ideas and plans that a question about a concept starts sounding like a personal attack, I need to step back and assess my connection with my project.

Is it the idea that is being questioned or is it my identity? Can I offer my thoughts to the group then release them for all to evaluate?

When I start being too identified with my role, my task or my ideas, it is a good time to evaluate my motivations.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Seeking Advice of All

The reason why we have said all should be called for counsel is that the Lord often reveals what is better to the younger. RB80.3.3

It seems counter-intuitive to seek the advice of the young among us especially in very important matters. Yet, that is exactly what Benedict is suggesting. Benedict recommends seeking input for all...but why?

The explicit answer Benedict provides is that the Lord often reveals what is better to the younger. Here we are reminded of the stories of Samuel, Daniel, David and Solomon. All of whom were known to be quite young and not a very likely choice for wisdom when God chose them to lead the Israelite community in different ways.

There is also a more practical reason for consulting the young. While our elders provide us with the wisdom of experience, the young can often ask the tough, incisive questions which will take us into the future. The young are often unafraid of change and trying things a new way to make carry the vision and mission of the group into the future. They often have the energy we need to implement changes.

May we never be afraid of listening to the wisdom of the young.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Leading To Growth

...and while helping others to amend by his warnings, he achieves the amendment of his own faults. RB80.2.40

Benedict invites those in leadership to remember that there is a responsibility to help others avoid sin and to also amend his own faults. This is a special aspect to leadership--being responsible for own actions yet also assuring that the example provided is one of growth and good behavior.

Being the oldest in our family by quite a few years (15 year span from oldest to youngest), I was provided with multiple opportunities daily to provide modeling and example to my brother and sister. Growing up, I hated this role. It always made me feel like I was on display and that my behavior might come back to haunt me some day. During a recent visit with my family, I realized that although I was an example of sorts for the younger ones, it was often more of the subtle interactions which have really impacted others in my family. It is healing to be able to see this in retrospect.

We are created to live in community (all different kinds of communities). We are called to be examples and teachers to one another.

What kind of example am I providing today?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Expecting More

More is always expected from those who possess more (more wealth, more skill, more strength, more talent). This precept is the basic message of today's reading from the Rule of St. Benedict. The leader, who is naturally considered to possess more wisdom and virtue, is expected to be an example of how the monastic life is to be fulfilled; how to do this Christian living graciously.

I have never been the prioress but I have been in positions of leadership--teacher, mentor, supervisor, elder sister. Someone once told me that I am always an example for others. I can choose to be an example of good or I can model poor behavior. What kind of example I am will always be my choice but ultimately I will be one type of role model or another.

This can be a sobering thought since often I can desire to live life in a vacuum...live a life that does not impact others. Actually, none of us has that luxury because through our lived example we can influence toward the good or toward ill.

I desire always to be an example for good.

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Finding the Balance

He should not gloss over the sins of those who err, but cut them out while he can, as soon as they begin to sprout, remembering the fate of Eli, priest of Shiloh (1Samuel 2.11-4.18) RB80. 2.26

I am not a good gardener. I do not have the patience necessary to nurture plants to full maturity and to keep the area clean around them. My tendency is to pull everything that seems remotely like a weed from the very beginning. Kind of kill everything that is not pretty or useful at the beginning and hope for the best.

My overzealous attitude towards gardening can be extended to my own personal life. I tend to vacillate between scouring every blemish as soon as it appears (often to the point of exhaustion) or being so laissez-faire about things that my life can appear ultra-chaotic and disorganized. I need to find some point of balance; some spot where the ideal, the reality and the chaos can abide comfortably.

Benedict invites me to listen to God speaking in my life--in Scripture, in events, in relationships. I need to learn to fine tune my listening in all these avenues so that when God asks me to change or when internal warning signs appear, I will be able to recognize them and pay heed. This is the first step towards a more balanced life.

How am I listening today?


Sr. Catherine, OSB

Better in Good Works and in Humility

Only in this are we distinguished in his sight: if we are found better than others in good works and in humility. RB80.2.21


I have a secret desire to be special, to be the star, to be the center of the universe. Actually most people that know me well would say that it is a not so secret desire.

I am always looking for the tip that will give me that edge to a successful and distinguished life. That has pretty much been a lifetime goal since I do tend to be pretty driven and intense about life at times.

Benedict today provides me a glimpse at what really matters in life for God. I am to strive to be better than others at good works and in humility. Okay, I might be able to do the good works piece--I know all the right actions and I am pretty good at being nice to others and helping out when needed (even without being asked). That first part I think I might be able to handle for a while. BUT to do all of these things in humility?

I bet that means that I cannot announce every good deed that I perform. I can't be showy in my good actions. I need to remember not be do good works only when there is an audience around to praise me. Acting like a martyr in the midst of all this action probably negates humility also.

Today's question for me: How can I be better in both good works and humility today?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Leading by Example

...he must point out to them all that is good and holy more by example than by words, proposing the commandments of the Lord to receptive disciples with words, but demonstrating God's instructions to the stubborn and the dull by a living example. RB80.2.12

Many have heard that actions speak louder than words. This principle is as valid for children as for adults. It is always easier for me to understand a new concept by seeing it lived out than by hearing someone talk or teach about different ideas.

I need to remember that also when I am in a leadership position. Many times the actions and attitudes of a person are much more influential than the actual words used. Friends who have known me for a while will tell me what a gesture or action of mine helped them to do something a little differently. I've usually forgotten the action by now. It helps me to realize that I can be an agent for growth to others many times during the day. That is an awesome responsibility.

How am I helping others to grow today?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Characteristic of Leadership

To be worthy of the task of governing a monastery, the abbot must always remember what his title signifies and act as a superior should. RB80.2.1

Who can be considered worthy of leading a group (coaching, teaching, parenting, supervising)? In the leadership positions I have held, I quickly came to realize that while leadership can be an honor there is also a responsibility and a great burden involved.

Here are some of the thoughts that can travel through my mind when I am in a leadership role:

• How will I respond when something goes majorly wrong (afterall, it will happen eventually)?
• How do I adjust my style to other's needs? I know that I can tend to be really intense and somewhat overbearing at times.
• How do I acknowledge everyones gifts appropriately?
• Did I communicate my expectations well?
• I need God's grace and wisdom in every situation.

Something I have learned over the years is that every project does not have to be all about ME and how good I will look at the end. Everything I do is actually for God's greater honor and glory and for the good of the whole group--not for my own pride and recognition. If I remember that it is actually a team effort that I am part of (greater than just Catherine), I can more easily give God thanks for successes and also learn to roll when things do not work out perfectly.

How am I leading others today?

Sr. Catherine, OSB

Am I a detestable community member?

Still loyal to the world by their actions…(RB80.1.7)


Benedict discovered that he not only had Cenobites and Anchorites, but also some detestable kinds of persons—Sarabites and Gyrovagues. These two kinds of persons are not interested in building up the community. The Sarabites want to do whatever makes them happy. They like to be considered a big wheel in the community , but they do slipshod work, accept no responsibility and are no-shows when real work is to be done. The Gyrovagues wander about looking busy, but they are only doing THEIR thing—going, going, going, sponging off of others, conning others into doing their work.


Am I still loyal to the world by my actions?


Sr. Veronica, OSB

What kind of community member am I?

There are clearly four kinds of monks. (RB80.1.5)


When Benedict decided to build a monastic community, he looked around at the persons who followed him and shook his head. Some were barbarians still carrying their knives and other weapons, Some, perhaps most, were illiterate; they could neither read nor write. Some were dirty and ragged, coming right off the roads. Some were strong and physical; others were frail and weak. But, he welcomed them all and drew up a Rule with “nothing harsh, nothing burdensome…a little strictness.”


It was not long before Benedict discovered he had four kinds of people in his monastery. He had Cenobites who walked in the presence of God day by day and served one another in building up the community. Am I a Cenobite who strives to live under a rule and a Prioress? who is aware of and serves the needs of others? Or am I an Anchorite who chooses to go off by myself and isolate myself from community building?


Who am I—Cenobite or Anchorite?


Sr. Veronica, OSB

It’s a Narrow Road

…nothing harsh, nothing burdensome…a little strictness…(Prologue 45-50)



I recall driving mountain roads in Colorado. The roads are narrow filled with curves, with steep grades, with unbelievable drop-offs, and with countless signs warning of curves, of steep grades, of damaged guard rails, of no passing, of falling rock, of speed limits.



These roads remind me of this “school of the Lord’s service,” that Benedict intends to establish. He tells us that traveling the monastic road will be difficult. It will have all the limitations that the mountain roads in Colorado have—curves, drop-offs, warning signs. If we keep our eyes on the road, on the goal: life with Christ, life in the kingdom, life-everlasting, “our hearts will overflow with the delight of love.”



The road may be narrow, but it is not harsh, nor burdensome, but does demand some discipline.



Sr. Veronica, OSB

Dwelling in the Tent

..we have asked the Lord who will dwell in his tent…(Prologue 39-44)


God wishes to dwell in the midst of his people. He does not wish just to communicate with his people periodically in speech, vision or dream, but wishes to abide with them every hour of the day. He gave instructions to Moses to build a tent where He could speak to Moses face to face, and where the people could see Him in a pillar of cloud, a pillar of fire. In and from the tent, God spoke to his people; he showed his holiness; he poured out his spirit to his people.


Benedict uses this tent image to show us that in the monastery we will be meeting this God face to face, He will abide with us day after day; He will show us his holiness; He will pour out his spirit upon us; it is He who will accompany us on this journey and provide the grace we need to persevere.


Will you dwell in the tent?


Sr. Veronica, OSB

Let the sand fall out…

…we must run and do now what will profit us forever. (Prologue 35-38)


We can’t loiter in the monastic life, we must run. We run to repent, led by the patience of God; we run to obey, guided by the instructions from God. We must run in this process of accepting that I am a sinner and am imperfect, and in accepting my sisters as they are with their sinfulness and imperfections. And we must run to the Holy Spirit asking Him to change my life, to transform me, to help me love myself and my sisters.


When we accept our own sinfulness, we cannot condemn anyone else; we are all imperfect. Sometimes we set ourselves up as gods who must cast out the sinners from the monastery. But a wise “abba” once reminded his flock that we carry our sins hidden behind our backs. It is as if we carried a bag of sand with a hole in it, and as we walked along the sand left a trail behind us. How could we cast out sinners from our midst, when we perhaps were the greatest sinners.


We must run to cast out our laziness, our likes and dislikes for this and that, our desire to change everyone else, but not myself. We must carry our bag of sand in front.


Sr. Veronica, OSB

Thoughts Matter

…dash these temptations against Christ. (Prologue 22-34)


Many of the desert monastics believed that the heart of the spiritual life lies in the understanding of thoughts and how to deal with them. Abba Anthony speaks of his trials in seeking encounters with God. Whenever he tried to pray, thoughts of wealth, honor, status, comfort kept creeping in. He decided he needed to train himself to notice his thoughts and then to redirect those thoughts by “dashing them against Christ.”
The desert monastics concluded that the heart of the spiritual life is the understanding of both thoughts and feelings and the wisdom of knowing how to let these thoughts and feelings lead us to Christ.
The practice of lectio divina, Scripture reading, helps us to wrestle with these thoughts and feelings and redirect them to Christ.


Sr. Veronica OSB

Avoid vicious talk and deceit

…let us set out on this way, with the Gospel for our guide…(Prologue 14-21)
The Desert Father, Abbot Poeman said, “The wickedness of people is hidden behind their back.” And, “Teach your mouth to say that which you have in your heart.”
It is easy for us to keep particular aspects of our life hidden. It is a temptation to be deceitful. It is always easy to speak one way and act in another. Vicious talk and deceit seem to come easy. Benedict warns us of these traits in ourselves as we set out on our journey in monastic life. But, he says if we wish to keep our tongues from vicious talk and deceit, monastic tradition offers us two practices—silence and discernment of thoughts that can help.
Since we are always learning and always beginning anew in monastic life, Benedict encourages us to practice these traditions—silence and discernment of thoughts. And furthermore, to pray, to place ourselves in the presence of God, so as to achieve that inner peace and quiet we strive for.

Sr. Veronica OSB

Fiddling One's Energy

It is high time to arise from sleep. (Prologue. 8.14)

When I was in college, one summer several of us juniors and seniors lived in a house in the city. A single mother with 3 teenage daughters lived across the street. The mother and the two older girls worked every day, but Teresa the youngest was left at home alone. Teresa thought it was great fun hanging out with us college girls. Most of us enjoyed having Teresa around; she was always happy and always working on some project, but one of our classmates could not tolerate Teresa. One day she told her to go home because she was always causing her to sin—in other words, Teresa was bugging her and she told her that if she didn’t come around, she would probably never have to go to confession. We were all pretty upset about the situation. But, Teresa did not stop her visits.

Our classmate was spending all her energy resenting and letting Teresa bug her.

Benedict tells us to wake up, to open our eyes and ears, to listen to the voice of the Lord speaking to us through every person and situation, to spend our energy n learning to live the monastic life. We fiddle our energy away by trying to solve all the problems in the community and trying to handle all the problem people in the community. It is so much easier to fiddle our energy on others rather than fight my own self so that I may love my sisters and my community just as it is.

Let us fiddle our energies to lectio and prayer time.

Sr. Veronica, OSB

Obedience & Prayer

Listen carefully…to the master’s instructions…(Prologue to Holy Rule. 1.8)

In the opening words of the Holy Rule, St. Benedict invites us to enter into a dynamic way of relating to God and to one another. The hallmarks of this dynamic method are obedience (listening) and prayer. This is the cost of growing in spiritual freedom—giving up our personal freedom. What an incongruity in a society that makes a god of personal freedom!

But Benedict’s invitation is an invitation to more personal freedom. If we allow ourselves to be formed by the wisdom of Scripture, by the wisdom of tradition and by the wisdom of our monastic ancestors, we can learn our own will, we can express our own will and we can learn to give up our own will.

Let us arm ourselves with these strong and noble weapons—obedience (listening) and prayer—and enter into this dynamic way of relating to God and to one another.

Sr. Veronica, OSB